11/07/05

Mom, Dad, Cate &c.

Hey there, family, how's it going back in Minnesota?  It's hard to believe that it's already been six months since I left home.  (Or is hard to believe that it's only been six months?  I think it's both).  I think this is the longest I've ever not been home.  It is perhaps fitting that I've recently been going through a fit of homesickness.

When I first got install and started having to feed myself after getting 3-squares @ Hamdallaye, I started to crave American food.  Specifically the convenience of it all - running down to Taco Bell, Wendy's, etc.;  grocery stores with frozen pizzas (or telephones with pizzas on the other end);  fully stocked cupboards or fridges or freezers.  It was pretty bad, but I eventually got over it by mid-April or so.  Now my cravings have come back in a modified, more intense form.  I keep having vivid imaginings of what I'm going to pack into my duffel bag when I'm coming back to Niger from visiting America - sauce packets, spices, powdered drinks, etc...  But it's never in the context of "if" I go back to America - but  "when" I go back.  I'm always disappointed when I realize it was just a vision, not reality, and that I'm not actually going home anytime in the next 20 months.  I mean, I miss my family and friends back home (and elsewhere), but food is such a dominant force in my life here - thinking about that I'm going to have for lunch or dinner takes up an inordinate number of brain cycles in a brain that is not otherwise academically engaged - that it's not surprising that that's where my longing for home starts.

Additionally, I'm finally feeling a little frustrated with the leadership in my village (specifically me "Emirou" - village chief).  Before I took off for Gaya, he told me that someone would fix my shade hangar, both broken doors on the outside and inner concession, and bring the village boat from Gotheye so that I and other villages will be able to get across the river if need be.  When I returned 11 days later, none of these rather simple tasks had been completed, and in fact my Emirou's cows had inflicted further damage by eating the straw mat I used as a door to my bathroom.  Needless to say, I was a bit frustrated.  Then, on Monday he told me again, "Oh yeah, it's coming today."  When I returned on Wednesday ( I stayed in Gotheye a few days to let a fever pass) - surprise!  It had yet to arrive.  He went again on Thursday, again with the same song and dance, again with the same result - no boat.

I decided to leave until the boat arrived safety reasons - like if I got ridiculously, incapacitatingly ill - Peace Corps Niamey doesn't want me to be in the village if the boat isn't there;  apparently they've had similar problems with previous Peace Corps volunteers.  I visited Windsong and Crystal on Friday and Saturday, then came to Gotheye on Sunday.  Today was market day in Gotheye (Monday), and I was informed that by tonight the boat would arrive in my village (by an independent, trustworthy source).  It's frustrating because I want to be in my village (I had intended to stay our from 1 July - 19 July, but combined high fever and dead kerosene for the stove precluded that last week) and I have lots of field work (millet weeding and peanut planting) I need to get done ASAP - and I know all these problems could be easily remedied - but they don't get done unless I get mad (witness my shade hangar getting re-assembled after I delivered a few tart comments).

Additionally, I've never felt so guilty about being white and having money (for Nigeriens, the 2nd naturally follows from the 1st).  Though by no means do I reel like a rich man, I at least have enough money to eat comfortably and buy pretty much whatever I need at market.  And yet I feel guilty buying things.  Though it is the rainy season and the planting season, it is also the hungry season, as it has been 9+ months since the last harvest, and another three or so until the next harvest.  Last year nationwide was a bad harvest, so even if it wasn't terrible for my village, it means that miller/food prices are astronomically high (I've heard rumors that millet hasn't been as expensive as it is now - 25000 cfa for 100 kg bag - since 1982-83, the time of the last horrible droughts).  Until now, I've been used to people asking for things of me - "bring my child to America", "give me a market gift", "give me your pen" - which I can usually joke away.  Just asking for things doesn't mean they expect to receive them;  for them, it's a way early on to have a conversation with a language-deficient white person.  Yet, how can I brush off comments about there being much hunger, much suffering in Niger, because there is no food, and "can you go and bring us back some food from Niamey?"  I just find myself at a loss for what to say in these situations.  It's particularly frustrating to me because I feel I came to Niger to help Nigeriens - yet immediate food aid is not the kind of work Peace Corps does, nor is it the type of work I want to do to help Niger in the long run - and yet, if they want to make their lives better in the future they need to eat in the present (though as far as I know, none of my villagers are skipping meals).  Last time I went to market, a lot of strangers were coming up to me, seeing the white guy as a source of salvation and food aid;  I just felt really flummoxed and didn't know how to react.  I want to help, but I just feel impotent in finding a way to do so that won't be damaging to my future work (i.e. bringing bags of millet now may create an expectation of further handouts in the future).  I can only hope and pray that this year's harvest is better than last year's.  

Other than that, not too much is going on here.  Today at market, Windsong and I found the tailor that Keri, the last girl in my villages always went to.  I'm getting a big boubou made - there were laughs all around when I said I'd come pick it up "last week".  Still quite a few kinks in the Zarma I guess.  Inshallah, it'll be ready for me to take to Zinder in a week-plus for "Prom" (my totally sweet prom outfit is a pair of black pants and one of those t-shirts that's made to look like a tux - I found that gem in the Dargol market).  While I'm out there, I'll probably be visiting Joes's village - though who knows how plans will have changed between early June and next week.  In any case, Hausaland will be fund, because no one out there speaks a lick of Zarma.

I've gotten letters #1-12, and just picked up package #9 earlier today - I've already put the Frank's Red Hot to use today (I'll even admit I had a dream about receiving the sauce sometime last week), and I'm currently wearing the comfy blue shirt.  As far as requests, I could use more Parmesan cheese for making pesto sauce (or just more sauce packets, and maybe some Lawry's seasoning salt.

Say, did those pictures ever arrive?  If so, you should find place to post them online, where I can put captions on them so (and others) know what's going on in them.

Okay, talk to you later.  Keep yourselves healthy and sane.

Your ever-loving son,

Michael